I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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