I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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