We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
