he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
