you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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