she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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