The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
