my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just high enough for therapy.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
