You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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