Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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