He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
