Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
