I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
