You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
