i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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