His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
