i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
