I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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