Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
MIDGETS
????
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
