What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Your cock deserves a montage
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
