i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
