you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
