Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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