Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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