barbara walters just said penis...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
