I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
