Yo dont text me then not text me
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
