Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I can text with my tongue
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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