Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
