He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
