My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
