I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
