were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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