Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I skipped work to stalk him.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
