I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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