I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
