i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Did I show you my penis last night?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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