He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize