I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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