I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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