I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
