I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
