i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize