I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
