youre lurking in front of me
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
