I CAN MOONWALK!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
