You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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