I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
