you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
