but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
