this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
