i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
