got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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