so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
