mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
