Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize