All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Randomize
