I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
