I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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