There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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