I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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