I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
