Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
