So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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