I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
