oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you didnt know i had herpes?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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