Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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