you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
