Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
