first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
