i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
