I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize